Brett Myers: Model Citizen (for Philly)
July 3, 2006
| By Dallas Owens
| 
Discuss
On Tuesday, your Philadelphia Phillies announced that ace pitcher Brett
Myers would be embarking on a "leave of absence" from the Phillies
until after the All Star break. Of course, this came about four days too
late. The numbskulls that run your hometown team allowed the alleged wife
beater to pitch on national TV less than 24 hours after the alleged incident.
We almost had a first Philadelphia. While listening to the radio all weekend
and hearing all the heartfelt pleas by you people to punish Myers, I almost
fell for it. I almost agreed with the degenerate masses that inhabit the
rattrap. Luckily, I came to my senses. See, Phillies fans already hate their
best player – Bobby Abreu - whose resume features a Gold Glove, a
Home Run Derby championship, a handful of All Star appearances and an OBP
so high that it could give you a nose bleed. Now, they had a golden opportunity
dropped into their laps. Their best pitcher gave them a reason to hate him.
You can ride the anti domestic violence band wagon all you want, but hell,
it's not like Vito in South Philly never popped his a old lady on the corner
of Oregon and Front Street. I know better. Now you have the trifecta. Better
than the one play at Philadelphia Park after you sell your food stamps.
You hate your best hitter, you hate your best pitcher and you hate the management.
It's a Philadelphia wet dream. This is a perfect opportunity to walk Charlie
Manuel one more step towards the door. You don't care about spousal abuse;
you just want to run your best pitcher out of town so it will make management
look even worse. Then, after you have a new GM (didn't you just get one?)
a new manager and the team starts to rebuild, you can bitch about that for
five years. Maybe Dave Montgomery still has Ed Wade on speed dial. The Phillies
suck because you suck.
The irony of all this is that you should be embracing this guy. He fits
right in with crack whores, the junkies, and the Wal Mart employees that
populate your festering ass boil of a city. You love Allen Iverson don't
you? Maybe if Myers had a gun, you'd cut him some slack.
Tell 'em Dallas Told ya.
Contact Dallas Owens at dowens@phillypurge.com
